Years End

This blog is one that is more for me. I need to say goodbye to a year that changed my life as well as the life of my children and three of my grandchildren.  This will be the last blog I do regarding my daughter.  As I reflected back over the year it bring tears to my eyes because this past year was surrounded by me taking care of her and it was a year for making memories for my family, something we had to do because at the time we didn’t know how much time we had.  Memories are made daily with family and friends, but this was something different.  2012 is a year our family will never forget. It was a year that had it’s ups and downs.  The first six months was spent going to chemotherapy three days a week and doctor appointments once a week, dragging oxygen tanks with us.  She was on it daily 24/7 so we had to take it everywhere we went.  In the midst of that, we attended birthday parties, barbques, and church,  we went everywhere together.  We love going to thrift stores, and LOL we lived in Wal-Mart just about every day.  It was our place.  In July we took a trip to Las Vegas to surprise my other daughter who had no clue that we were coming. When she saw it was us she broke down and cried tears of joy.  The trip was long, we had two families in a Grand Caravan, (7).  It was a great trip, one that I didn’t want to end because I knew it would be Deidra’s last event she will ever do.  God had already spoke to me and told me he was bringing her home with him.  On the day before our departure from Vegas, we all went to my daughter, Cheri’s home to pray and drank Holy water.  After prayer, we were loading up to go back to hotel, and my heart sank when I saw my  two daughters say their last goodbyes.  Cheri told Deidra, “this is not good bye because I will see you later”.  As a parent, it is one of the hardest things you have to do.  We returned home, Deidra was admitted to hospital two days later.  Friday, July 27th, 2012 she told me she was sorry but she had to go.  I had to let her go, as the Angels came to get her.  My daughter did everything on her terms.  No one expected her to go, not even her doctors.  She was ready and God knew it.
The day after her funeral, my sister was immediately admitted to the hospital with leg problems which resulted in her being diagnosed with cancer.  Thank God after 14 rounds of radiation to her brain and chest, the cancer cells have just about disappeared.  God is good.
After all of that, I had to watch her three children, three of my grandchildren start a new school year without their mother.  This is the first holiday we all had to get through without our Beloved Deidra.  These holidays will be the hardest especially for her three beautiful children and her twin brother.  It is very hard for me, she was by daughter, my first born daughter.  And now I am raising her daughter.  This year brought many tears, tears of joy and tears of sadness.  Leaving 2012 to go into 2013, as a mother I feel like I’m leaving my daughter behind.  I know she will always be with me in spirit, but it still feels like I’m leaving her.
Even thou this was a terrifying year for our family, it was a true test of our faith.  We have all gotten closer than before and we will start doing more family gatherings.  There was never any arguing over anything after my daughters death, like some families do.  We are closer now more than ever. But we are praying and believing God will bring us all into the new year with new and great beginnings.  I posted this blog to get some relief from this eventful year.  I will always miss my daughter, and I know she is with me.  But this helps me to heal and move on.
It is so important to me if I can help anyone out there who has issues with family or friends.  Please don’t wait until it’s to late to make things right, life is to to to short for anyone to be angry at someone over some minor mess.  Take a look around at what’s going on in the world.  Are you so pissed with someone that you can’t talk to them and work it out.  Sometimes you have to be the bigger person. Oh just so you know, no one in our family was upset with someone else, we are a family that will work out whatever differences we have and move on with lots of love.  There is not a day that goes by that we don’t tell a family or friend that we love them.  Not saying we are all that, saying we don’t care what happened yesterday, its gone, we just try to make today better so we can move on to tomorrow with more love.  Lets love one another, no matter what is going on.  Pray for each other and those who hurt you or done wrong by you.  Pray and let it go.  To all bloggers, Have a Happy New Year and I love you all.

Mother's Raising Boys to Men

The age old saying, “Women Can’t Raise Boys to Become Men”. This statement needs to be changed to “some women can’t raise a boy to become a man”. When I hear this it, it kind of rattle my nerves a bit. In today’s society women are raising their children alone, they are both mother and father to their kids. I bet if there was a poll we probably would find that majority of women are raising their children alone. Sure every boy needs a male figure, preferably his father, to raise him, be apart of his life, but for the most part it won’t happen and this cycle really needs to stop. First let me say this, I am not bashing men, because I do know there are men who are raising their kids, and the number is growing, and that’s a good thing. I am not here to put anyone down either, whether it be male or female, and this goes for all people, not just a certain group or race.
First off ladies please be careful who you choose to sleep with, this is how it all starts. We just can’t get together with a man because he is good looking, or his bank account is large, but make sure he will be there for you mentally as well as physically. I do believe that a couple should discuss whether they plan to have kids or not, whether your in a relationship or not. This works both ways. Men if your plans are not to have a child just yet, they you too should be responsible enough to wrap it up. You make sure that you use protection no matter what she says. Both parties have to think before reacting. Men, 5 minutes of please and a 18 years of child support, think. I just needed to put that out there because that’s where it all starts and ends with the woman.
The very first thing a parent must do is keep God Almighty in your life, pray to him daily to help you with raising your children.
First, a little about me. I came from an abusive home, my dad was the abuser, physically. I was pregnant at 16 with my first two, twins, girl and boy. Went on to having two more, and adopting two, so I have four daughters and two sons..My oldest and youngest are the boys. I did graduate from high school with my twins in the audience. And yes I raised my children alone while I finished high school and there after. So now I hope to help women who are raising boys to be men. Okay ladies, yes you can raise your son to be a man, a good man. When your son(s) are little, know that there is more to than just dressing them in the latest fashions, these little men need more than that, and please stop with the babying them. Yes they are your babies just like my two are, but they are boys. Ever wonder why you see some boys who start acting feminine, well it’s because they are raised in a house with all females, and no one will go and toss a football or play army men with them. As a mother, you have to do what they like to do, not just tell them to outside and play, but get involved with them. Okay you can’t throw a ball perfect, but get out there with them and throw the ball, play their type of sports. I was fortunate to love sports, I played softball, football, basketball and pool. I only played softball on a team. Not only will it help your son, but it is good exercise too. This lets them to know that they have a parent who is interested in what they like to do. Put them in different sports activities, go to their games, cheer them on. You have to be tough on boys, go old school with them. By that I mean, go back to old days where boys worked and did chores according to their age. Start them young, young as 5 yrs old with small minor responsibilities. Boys look for that role model, they want to be like grandpa, or Uncle Joe, but now its grandma and Aunt Debbie. Nothing has to change as far as how we raise our children. I’m old skool, my oldest son’s father was never around, so I filled in and did what a man would do with his son. The only thing my son didn’t care much for was the sports, but since my dad was into electronics, he picked that up. My father wasn’t around when my son was growing up, he went on to glory. But my son had those genes in him and that’s what he liked so I helped him by nurturing his talent. One thing you must do is keep the line of communication open. Yes I was hard on my children, my boys especially. I wasn’t going to have them around me and the girls crying all the time. He had chores according to his age, taught him to cook at 7yrs of age, and by the time he was 9, he was cutting grass, learning to plant veggies in a garden and how to do laundry. I taught him how to talk and treat girls, about the facts of life. I have lectures every week about life. There is a 13 year age gap between my sons, but I raised them the same way. My youngest son was into sports, so I was the soccer, football and ROTC mom. When it came to discipline, depending on what they did, what the punishment would be. I was tough, but loving. So yes they did get their behinds whipped, or grounded, and yes you have to play crazy with them sometimes. Example, youngest son didn’t set trash out, so I slid the can straight to his room, hitting him in the head, he woke up and knew he was in trouble. The oldest (16yr old) took my car stayed out all night long, no phone call nothing. He tried to sneak in the back door, and I was standing right there when he opened it, told him to stay out of site all day, he did. You just have to be strong, and not baby them. Talk to them, listen to what they are saying whether you like it or not, teach them responsibility, teach them right from wrong and most of all teach them respect for others, and the law. My main point I stressed to all my kids, GO TO JAIL FOR DOING SOMETHING STUPID, AND THAT’S WHERE YOU WILL BE, I’M NOT COMING. None of them went to jail, did drugs or committed a crime. But they did go to work, school and graduated. Today, both sons are married with children and working to support their family. They are heavily involved in their kids life, from home to school. They do it all.
Again, always keep God in whatever you do and you can and will make it.

P.U.S.H.

Yesterday’s events left me with a heavy heart. The tragedy that unfolded as the day went on, 20 children gone in a matter of minutes, along with some of their teachers, psychiatrist and their principle. The devastation of losing a love one in such a horrific way has left me numb and speechless. As the tears streamed down my face, all I could ask was why, why, why. All I wanted to do was run to the school and get my girls and keep them here with me, but I didn’t, instead I began to pray, pray for those innocent babies who are now with God. Only God knows the real reason why all of this happened and only God can send his comforter to the families who went home without their babies. And only God can comfort the rest of the world as we grieve with the families. Now is the time we all need to pray, and keep praying. Pray for our love ones as well as our enemies, just pray and know that God will bring his people through it all. Love one another as he first loved us, no matter what. Pray, people, Pray.